Flag Desecration Amendment Strategy Being Discussed At a Secret Undisclosed Location on the Left Coast



The year 2016 was an election year like no other. Yes, the Supreme Court had installed the president to start the 21st century, and the preceding president had been impeached to end the 20th century. Yes, the manipulation of the judicial branch by conservatives is old hat by now, and 2016 may have been about preserving that “old hat” with the Supreme Court seat open in 2016.

There is a new world order in American politics. Democrats are wondering how they can gain the upper hand in American politics. Though it is not widely known, there was also a 2017 LPAC conference just like CPAC. Liberals are in a panic. There has been a new effort among Democrats to play the kind of hardball that conservatives have been doing since the Reagan years. Democrats may have finally hit upon a real plan that can tweak the noses of conservatives and lead them to their own destruction.

In the same way that Republicans and conservatives actually led the Democrats to their own destruction through the War on Drugs, a similar plan is being hatched by liberals. It has been leaked from a secret LPAC transcript of a new proposal by neo-liberal Democrats to gain the support of Republicans and conservatives in a major initiative to sow the seeds of their own destruction. Liberals are proposing a War on Flag Desecrators. Who can oppose such an obvious good and just proposal?

An unnamed speaker at LPAC made the following speech: Liberals see an opening for political gain in a hyper-patriotic push for a flag desecration amendment. Here is the plan to boost liberal electoral power. Liberals will put forward an amendment on flag desecration. In the meantime, while the amendment makes its way through the state houses, liberals must push through a federal law defining violations of the Flag Code as felonies, as flag desecration. Republicans will be enthusiastic for this, but they could rue the day. In such an amendment, liberals will have set a trap to limit opposition to their agenda.

Stars-and-Stripes swag is de rigueur for today's right-wing conservative. On everything from ties, hats, and even bug deflectors, right-wingers feel naked unless they can wrap themselves in the flag. Conservatives will not see the potential for problems when liberals begin to pursue the old right-wing course of prosecuting flag desecration. Few will remember persecuting hippies for displaying the flag everywhere during the sixties. An American flag patch on the bottom of one's ratty jeans or a stylized flag on one's motorcycle helmet or other such "protest" displays could get one beat up, back in the day anyway.

Nowadays, it is the conservatives displaying the flag in all these forms, not the pinko longhairs. The term "desecration" does have some ambiguity to it and this can be used to liberal advantage. Is desecration burning the flag? No, it cannot be that, because the proper disposal of a flag that is no longer in serviceable condition is for it to be burned. To properly prosecute the perpetrator of a flag burning, said perpetrator would almost have to admit that the burning was an act of desecration. Otherwise, the burner could simply state that the flag was no longer in respectable condition. There will be a need to have thought police to determine the true intent of a flag burning, if the burner were to plead flag code adherence as an excuse. Liberals will push for a more useful definition of desecration to take full advantage.

In an effort to narrowly define desecration, liberals will inject specifics of the flag code into the law to remove ambiguity. Failure to adhere to the flag code will be, by definition, desecration. To remove ambiguity, liberals will force in language more exactly defining the current flag code as well as increasing the penalties for desecration to something quite onerous—for example, make it a felony, punishable by at least 5 years in jail. Liberals will get clarifications inserted in the flag code to leverage the amendment for its maximum political impact.

Liberals will define exactly the criteria for making a flag unserviceable and, therefore making continued use, “desecration”. In this digital imaging age, it will be quite easy to distribute small cards with the approved shades of red, white, and blue. That way, it will be easy to see when a flag needs to be retired by simply comparing the colors on a candidate flag that may have faded beyond acceptable limits to the government approved "These Colors Don't Run" flag desecration color match card. The flag code could also be enhanced to state exactly how many foot-candles of light must be falling on an American flag that is displayed at night. In addition, the definition of rain should include exactly how many drops per square inch defines as "rain" along with similar benchmarks for other types of precipitation. All-weather flags will be specifically defined to narrow the ability of displayers to claim their flag is all weather. Any weather that could potentially damage the flag will be enumerated, but the verbiage from the flag code is still a little vague and THAT allows for “flexible” enforcement.

A flag desecration amendment presents a tremendous opportunity to remove the super (pseudo) patriots who will stand in the way of a liberal movement and who fly the American flag 24/7 in front of their houses and on their automobiles. The aforementioned verbiage clarifications will set the trap. These hyper-patriotic persons are almost exclusively of the political stripe that will oppose a liberal agenda vehemently. This legislative action will help reduce their numbers. Liberals know that the hyper-patriots regularly violate the flag code, based upon the fact that their hyper-patriotic nationalism compels them to fly the flag non-stop.

By flying the flag 24/7, the flag tends to become faded and tattered in short order. These alleged patriots never take the flag down, and this rapidly ages the Stars and Stripes. Similarly, during raining or inclement weather, they do not take the flag down as the flag code specifies, but let it sag, soaked in drenching rains. This further damages the flag and disrespects it. Also, by flying the flag of this nation 24/7, the hyper-patriots leave their flags up past sunset most of the time, if they take it in at all, ever. There will be numerous opportunities to get liberal opponents off the street and incarcerated for the heinous act of flag desecration.

The liberal line will be simple and direct. The ability to remove the flag desecrators from the streets of America will make things safer in America. After all, flag desecration is a serious offense and sets a very poor example for our youth. The flag code clearly states that the flag should be brought in after sunset unless a spotlight is shined directly upon it. A porch light 50 feet away in a doorway would not qualify. The flag code also clearly states the flag should be brought in during inclement weather. Also, with exact digital color definitions for the official colors of the American flag, those flags that are faded and ready for burning will be readily identifiable.

There is one more layer to the laying the trap for their extremist enemies. This layer will be harder to get into the law books, but a few well-chosen cases escalated to sympathetic judges should set sufficient precedents. The widespread display of the Confederate flag by reactionary southerners needs to be a particular target for this flag desecration amendment. Everyone knows, of course, that the Confederate flag was the banner of secession and treason, as the Union saw it. But most people don't know that the Confederate flag design itself was a physical desecration of the Stars and Stripes. It was a deliberate taking of the physical elements of the Union flag to rearrange them in a parody. It was meant to anger the Union and symbolically split the flag as the South wanted to split the union.

All displays of this treasonous banner would have to cease, but this outcome will not be part of the initial activism to get the flag desecration laws passed. Instead, this would be an outcome that liberals will keep to themselves while pursuing the parallel course to set precedents. Continued displays of the banner will eventually be viewed as more than just desecration, but actual treasonous incitement of the masses. With many intolerant jingoistic southerners cooling their heels in Gitmo detention for flag desecration and potentially high treason, the liberals should have no trouble taking the South in the Electoral College in just a decade or two.

Think of the growth of liberal power, as more and more pseudo-patriotic extremists are rightfully imprisoned for their desecration transgressions. The liberals might even be able to get large mandatory sentencing guidelines pushed through, along with the amendment to prevent activist judges that oppose the liberal agenda from trying to let their compatriots off with a wrist slap. This is how political power is seized in America. The Republicans have broken the necessary ground, demonstrating the efficacy of this methodology. Patriotism will allow us to force through heavy penalties for flag desecration. These heavy penalties will allow us to imprison conservatives in large numbers the same way that liberals were imprisoned in large numbers by the war on drugs in the 1980s morphing the voting inclinations of the remaining electorate into LEANING LIBERAL!”


There was much cheering and joy at LPAC. This proposal rapidly received enormous support at the conference. There seemed no lack of enthusiasm for flag desecration amendment to force through the statehouses. At this moment Bernie Sanders took to the stage. Bernie is still widely popular among liberals and Democrats in the United States. He merely needed to get on stage to gain the attention of the conference. Everyone was silent waiting for Bernie to speak about the flag desecration amendment proposal.

Bernie said, ”I love America I love the flag and everything it stands for but I agree with previous rulings by the Supreme Court that a piece of cloth cannot BE America. A piece of cloth is not America. A piece of cloth does not define America. A piece of cloth does not allow us to read the minds of an American. An American citizen has the right to express themselves it is their first amendment right. I understand clearly the motivation of this proposal for this flag desecration amendment. I clearly understand the advantages that liberals and Democrats would gain through the ratification and enforcement of a new flag desecration amendment to the Constitution.”

Bernie continued, “I still believe in America though, so I am unable to take away rights, even of conservatives who I do not like. I completely agree that many of their displays of the American flag would qualify as desecration even by a loose definition. Nonetheless, I believe America must be a place of tolerance for America to be America. Were we to give this enforcement power to law enforcement, we do not know for sure how it will work out. Republicans and their ideas about limited government died when they pushed the War on Drugs. There was a requirement of quite intrusive power to enforce the laws under the War on Drugs. Imprisoning people attempting to make a patriotic display no matter how flawed, rolls back individual rights even further. Democrats and liberals must be for freedom and tolerance it is not a sign of weakness to be tolerant. It is a sign of weakness the co-op the tactics of your opponent”

Bernie apologized, “Sadly, I cannot support this proposal. I must admit that I am not a Democrat. This proposal sounds like democratic-socialism as defined by the East Germans during the Cold War. I see democratic-socialism as a balance between the needs of the nation and the needs of the individual. Perhaps I am not a democratic-socialist after all. As I stand here protecting the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, I feel more libertarian than Democrat. Could it be that I have become a libertarian socialist?”

Bernie was DNC’d and removed from the stage, gently, but firmly. The remaining liberal speaker sang the praises of the flag desecration amendment and how it can be leveraged to create an electoral juggernaut by putting so many conservatives in jail for their flag desecrations. This amendment will be to conservatives as chum is to sharks and they will be unable to engage higher faculties and avoid taking the bait.




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